Journal of Paleoanfropology Research

A Preliminary Report on the Discovery and Classification of

Fro Magnon Man

ABSTRACT

For the first time since the collecting of fossil records, I have created the unknown link¹ between Early Man^{2, 3} and the Disco Age:⁴ Fro Magnon Man. With prominent chin and sharply rising forehead, he is the closest-known relative to modern man⁵ (Plate I).

My colleagues⁶ insist that Fro Magnon Man not turn into a sideshow act.⁷ Rather, they have proposed shaving his entire head to allow him to roam⁸ freely unnoticed in our society, thereby easing his assimilation and preventing a panic among the citizenry.⁹

As the reader can see from the documentation (Plates I and II), such an undertaking will require a significant effort. To add value, I’ve determined that raising money for research would make the best use of the headshaving. In January, I registered with the St. Baldrick’s Foundation.¹⁰ Past donors may recall the mission of the foundation: "Shaving the way to conquer kid’s cancer." Contributions go toward finding the cure for pediatric cancer through research¹¹ and fellowships.¹²

Thanks to your gift, and those of a hundred Friends of Fro,¹³ last year’s shaving raised $4,000¹⁴ for St. Baldrick’s. In Cleveland, headshavings raised over $184,000,¹⁵ and nationwide, the campaign surpassed $17.3 million.¹⁶

Can I count on your renewed support for this year’s campaign?

Donations are accepted online¹⁷ at www.stbaldricks.org. Search for participant Thomas Barnard.^{18, 19, 20} You may also use the enclosed form and send in a check (paid to St. Baldrick’s Foundation).

Thank you!²¹

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NOTES

1. Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITB8DitqCsE

2. For Evolution, see Leakey, Richard. The Origin of Humankind. Science Masters Series. New York, NY: Basic Books, 1994. pp. 87-89.

3. Against Evolution, see http://www.squidoo.com/evolution-problems

4. The Disco History page. http://www.disco-disco.com/disco/history.shtml

5. Carlin on "Modern Man." http://www.metacafe.com/watch/193273/carlin_modern_man/

6. The Bald Guys. http://www.youtube.com/tbarnardiii

7. Sideshow history. http://www.showhistory.com/

8. "Home on the Range" (2007), B-Rank Strangers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gbjfvsl9VE

9. "Don’t panic! How ants can teach humans to cope during mass evacuations." The Daily Mail. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-472531/Dont-panic-How-ants-teach-humans-cope-mass-evacuations.html

10. St. Baldrick’s homepage. http://www.stbaldricks.org/

11. St. Baldrick’s research grants. http://www.stbaldricks.org/about_us/grants.php#

12. St. Baldrick’s "Meet the Fellows." http://www.stbaldricks.org/about_us/fellowships.php#

13. Listing on 2008 honor roll. http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/shavee_info.php?ParticipantKey=2008-21985&ViewDetails=donors#

14. St. B’s participant Thomas Barnard. http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/shavee_info.php?ParticipantKey=2008-21985#

15. St. B’s event, Cleveland, Ohio, AJ Rocco’s. http://www.stbaldricks.org/events/event_info.php?EventKey=2008-104#

16. St. B’s "2008 Progress Chart." http://www.stbaldricks.org/index.php#

17. St. B’s online donations. http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/shavee_info.php?ParticipantKey=2009-57031#

18. Barnard, et al. http://www.billputman.com/Barnard.pdf

19. Nope, that’s my dad. http://www.ogletreedeakins.com/attorneys/index.cfm?Fuseaction=AttorneyDetail&AttorneyID=502

20. Bingo! http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/shavee_info.php?ParticipantKey=2009-57031#

21. "That’s the Way I Like It" (1974), KC & The Sunshine Band. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWf1MdHv80Q

Groundhogs Day, Campaign Kickoff

According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. And, as you probably heard, it was a bright and sunny day in Punxsutawney (and in Cleveland). Every year, I use those six weeks as a countdown for the biggest haircut of the year. As you may have already learned, in six more weeks I’m shaving my head bald.

YES, I’m going bald! Again! If you ask any of my co-workers they are likely to respond, "Thank god, when?"

On March 17th, I’m shaving my head for St. Baldrick’s. But not just any head, I’m shaving “the FRO.” I've raised over $10,000 in just two years for St. Baldrick’s. Last year, in Cleveland, we raised over $184,000 and nationwide the campaign surpassed $17.3 million. Past donors may recall the mission of the St. Baldrick’s Foundation, “Shaving the way to conquer kids’ cancer.” Contributions go toward finding the cure for pediatric cancer through research and fellowships.

I’m raising awareness and asking for donations with many of the same antics as last year: buttons, flyers, and zany videos. So join the fun. I’ll be churning out slogans, propaganda, and letters—like this one—asking for a campaign donation. Last year a lot of friends contributed $10, $20, $50, and even $100 so that I would shave my head for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. I hope I can count on your support.

Donate today

Donate today | Fro III campaign

I shave my head on March 17 to benefit the St. Baldrick's Foundation.

• I am shaving my head to conquer kids' cancer.


• I am shaving my head in honor of Alex, a cancer survivor with downs syndrome.


• I am shaving my head to celebrate Michael's six years cancer free.


• I am shaving my head to show my support for the parents of ALL children with cancer.


• I am shaving my head to honor all the doctors, nurses, and careworkers who help the children everyday.

Donate

Last year's headshaving

Photos, videos, and more will post on February 14.