Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Journal of Paleoanfropology Research

A Preliminary Report on the Discovery and Classification of

Fro Magnon Man


For the first time since the collecting of fossil records, I have created the unknown link1 between Early Man2, 3 and the Disco Age:4 Fro Magnon Man. With prominent chin and sharply rising forehead, he is the closest-known relative to modern man5 (Plate I).

My colleagues6 insist that Fro Magnon Man not turn into a sideshow act.7 Rather, they have proposed shaving his entire head to allow him to roam8 freely unnoticed in our society, thereby easing his assimilation and preventing a panic among the citizenry.9

As the reader can see from the documentation (Plates I and II), such an undertaking will require a significant effort. To add value, I’ve determined that raising money for research would make the best use of the headshaving. In January, I registered with the St. Baldrick’s Foundation.10 Past donors may recall the mission of the foundation: "Shaving the way to conquer kid’s cancer." Contributions go toward finding the cure for pediatric cancer through research11 and fellowships.12

Thanks to your gift, and those of a hundred Friends of Fro,13 last year’s shaving raised $4,00014 for St. Baldrick’s. In Cleveland, headshavings raised over $184,000,15 and nationwide, the campaign surpassed $17.3 million.16

Can I count on your renewed support for this year’s campaign?

Donations are accepted online17 at Search for participant Thomas Barnard.18, 19, 20 You may also use the enclosed form and send in a check (paid to St. Baldrick’s Foundation).

Thank you!21


1. Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution.
2. For Evolution, see Leakey, Richard. The Origin of Humankind. Science Masters Series. New York, NY: Basic Books, 1994. pp. 87-89.
3. Against Evolution, see

4. The Disco History page.

5. Carlin on "Modern Man."

6. The Bald Guys.

7. Sideshow history.

8. "Home on the Range" (2007), B-Rank Strangers.

9. "Don’t panic! How ants can teach humans to cope during mass evacuations." The Daily Mail.

10. St. Baldrick’s homepage.

11. St. Baldrick’s research grants.

12. St. Baldrick’s "Meet the Fellows."

13. Listing on 2008 honor roll.

14. St. B’s participant Thomas Barnard.

15. St. B’s event, Cleveland, Ohio, AJ Rocco’s.

16. St. B’s "2008 Progress Chart."

17. St. B’s online donations.

18. Barnard, et al.

19. Nope, that’s my dad.

20. Bingo!

21. "That’s the Way I Like It" (1974), KC & The Sunshine Band.

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